April 18, 2013. The day when my whole life basically changed. It changed, and I didn’t even know it. It was one day before my Nanay’s (grandma from mother’s side’s) birthday, and I remember being on the phone with her greeting her happy birthday, one day in advance, while we stand there on the boarding line at the Ninoy Aquino International Airport. That day, that moment, I remember my cousins and my family being so sad the moment we entered the car to head to the airport, and I really didn’t have any idea why.. Why my closest cousin Lyka was crying as we waved our goodbyes, why my Tita Vivs was trying not to cry, why Tita Arlene and Lola Baby looked so sad, and even my cousin Pati looked pretty sad? I remember it all, their faces, and I didn’t get it. I didn’t understand. I just sat there in the car, not feeling anything special, but I knew it was my first trip without my big family I lived with for 12 years. That was all I felt? Who knew that from that day on, I would have to spend basically the rest of my life, thousands of miles away from them. That after spending my whole life with them, I would only get to see them once every few years from then on? 7 years later, I then I finally understand.
I remember the first few years of being in Canada.. Everyone would always mention about homesickness.. And I could never get it. I was never fully able to understand or relate to it because at that time, I didn’t really see what moving to Canada really meant. Yes, it did mean having a source of good income and being “financially stable” and having a way better income than if we were in Ph. Yes, it did mean speaking pretty fluently in English. Yes, it did mean seeing snow and experiencing winter. Yes, it did mean being able to have friends who you only talk to in English. And yes, it did mean that being able to look at your 2 week paycheck that would’ve taken months to earn in Ph. But moving to Canada is not just all about that. You have to live everyday, away from the warmth and love you’ll feel being closer to your family, you’ll be working everyday, working even overtime, and when you’re not working, you’re most likely just at home, resting, and waiting for the day you’re back to work again. I am not being ignorant, I know most people work in Ph too. But the biggest difference is, if you were in Ph, you’re still with your family. You’d come home to a warm house full of love and happiness, you’ll have weekends with your family, go to church all together, have lunch all together, suffer thru the heat all together, have getaways all together.
So here I am, still trying to figure it out. No idea if this is just a phase, no idea if this is just the homesickness they’re all referring to, but I guess it is okay for me to feel like this. I know I will get through this, and despite how I pretty much focused on the bad things I feel from moving to Canada, I will forever be grateful and appreciate so so much the efforts of my parents because I know they did it for me and Iesha. For us to have a better, easier life.
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